Tag Archives: United States

Greene County, Virginia

Yes, another Greene County, another bad flag. If I had to pick, though, I”d say this one is about three times as bad as Greene County, Ohio. I get the green part. It’s the County of Greene – see what they did there?  The rest of the flag is a bit of a puzzle. Spotswood? Golden Horseshoe? 1717 and 1838? The only thing I can think of is that county officials designed this flag on the back of a cocktail napkin after a long night of slugging bourbon at the Blue Ridge Cafe in Ruckersville. The county board of supervisors were particularly wasted, and could barely open their eyes, let alone form words when they started mumbling partially hallucinated random numbers and words. How else could you come up with “Spotswood,” and “Golden Horseshoe,” (and not even make the horseshoe on the flag gold?) Thank God the county’s graphic designer left off the suggestion of “Mouse Tits,” from at-large Administrator Carl Schmitt. Too embarassed to admit their overindulgence the next day, the board of supervisors unanimously voted to approve the flag.

Greene County, Ohio

Greene County, Ohio
GODDAMMIT, ORVILLE – WATCH OUT FOR THAT CLOCK TOWER!!!!!

Bullitt County, Kentucky

Bullit Co. Kentucky

Let’s just say it: the crossed muskets front and center really make me think the name of this county is Bullet, but the flag designer misspelled it because he or she is from Kentucky.  It’s not very nice of me to revert to a yokel stereotype, but I’m sure 90% of readers would agree. First impressions are a bitch.

Once we get past that, the symbolism is kinda janky. The white background represents salt, which was an important natural resource in Bullitt County 200 years ago. The green in the text represents the fertile land and prolific game from 200 years ago. The muskets represent the fact that 200 years ago, people shot other people a bunch to get their land. The 20 stars refer to Bullitt being the 20th county in Kentucky (in 1796, naturally.)

Bloomfield, Kentucky

Bloomfield, Kentucky

Bloomfield, Kentucky

 

Tobacco on the flag, huh? That’s the way it’s going to be? In a town that has a tobacco spitting festival, that’s probably par for the course. Those are very nice drawings of tobacco leaves, by the way. If you’re a six year old. The script font is really quite nice. It looks especially good in CAPS LOCK. Also, I’m really glad that U.S.A. is specified. When I first saw it, I almost thought this flag was for Bloomfield, Kentucky, Portugal.

This flag was designed by an Eagle Scout. Seriously. I thought they were supposed to do good things for their community. I guess Eagle Scout Alex Martin III (who “designed” this atrocity) earned his merit badge in ugly. (Oh, yeah – I called him out, mostly because I think he halfass bullshited his community.) In 1998. The year that the tobacco companies made an unprecedented settlement with the states, handing over billions of dollars and finally officially admitting that tobacco is not healthy. Keep it classy, Bloomfield. And maybe revoke that tobacco loving kid’s Eagle Scout standing. At least roll this flag up and light it on fire.

Gary, Indiana

Gary, Indiana

Gary, Indiana

This flag commemorates the moment when 1971 Gary-native Michael Jackson time traveled to shake the hand of 2006 Bahrain-native Michael Jackson.

100th BAD FLAG!!! – Brown County, Nebraska

Brown County, Nebraska

Brown County, Nebraska

This flag has a special place in flag hell. Some of the cockier of the 99 bad flags before it throw rocks at this one on the playground. This flag has all sorts of extra flag chromosomes. The flag of Libya can rest easy in gym class – Brown County, Nebraska’s flag is going to get picked last for hockey. Again.

Let’s start with the positive. Well, neutral. They stuck to two colors beside black and white. Very good. But the dominant color is a dead-looking brown. Get it? Brown County? Someone had their literal hat on.  Attractive! On the flag is a map of the county. I guess since it’s like the only Nebraska county that isn’t completely rectilinear, that qualifies as a distinguishing characteristic in this neck of the prairie.

The first big issue here is that this flag seems to have been designed by a 3rd grader with severe astygmatism using Microsoft Paint circa 1995. That road and the tick marks that pass as cities are sad. The white dropshadows behind the names of the cities make me feel sorry for Brown County. The fonts are way too juvenile for a flag, and the leading and kerning are way distorted. Vertical text is never good, and this flag uses it a lot. And horizontal text too. Whatever fits, really. No need to overthink this, folks. Just let your passion flow out onto the flag. Nice touch on the extra-serify “Western” style font.

Now to the symbols. I get the cows. That’s fine. Feedlot. I get the cornstalks. Cornhuskers. But aren’t they awful blurry? It’s not that hard to find slightly less embarassing clip art. Same with the pine trees, except in this case the five trees actually represent the only five trees in Brown County. And a windmill. Whatever. Might have been cool to put on a wind turbine instead, but that’s good enough for a county in which the only notable thing to ever happen was Laura Ingalls Wilder’s brief case of dyssentery.

Long Beach, Mississippi

Long Beach, Mississippi

Long Beach, Mississippi

Though the cheery clip art and chipper slogan, the story of Long Beach, Mississippi is one of repeated tragedy. 

Most recently, Hurricane Katrina plowed over this Gulf Coast town, destroying 90% of the buildings along its waterfront and decimating the town’s library.

Possibly even more tragic (OK – not even close) is a story so wrenching it made its way into the Long Beach flag. The city was founded in 1905 for one purpose and one purpose alone. Radish farming. Radishes were once served alongside beer, as pretzels are today. So intense was this radish farming that after the bumper crop of 1921, some 300 train loads of radishes were shipped out. But as you’ll see from the flag, the radishes Long Beach grew are not the radishes that have the favor of the American palate these days. On the flag, the radishes look kind of like red carrots. As tastes changed, round radishes came into vogue, leaving the growers of the long radishes of Long Beach with long faces. Radish production dropped off sharply soon after.