Tierra del Fuego, Argentina

How cool would it be to have a state called Land of Fire? That’s just how bad-ass Argentina is. Other locations in the state also have awesome names, like Ushuaia, the Straits of Magellan and Cape Horn. In precolonial times, the islands of Tierra del Fuego were home to the Fuegian people, thought to be more closely related to Australian aboriginies than Amerindians. Today, this land of glaciers and mountains is home to the southernmost settlements in the world.

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By all accounts, Tierra del Fuego is a beautiful and interesting place. Why then, did they chose this flag? First of all, the Southern Cross is entirely too predictable. You don’t see nearly as many places in the Northern Hemisphere finding the obsessive need to prove it with constellations on their flags. Maybe that’s just the insecurity that comes form living on the underside of the world. Secondly, the colors found naturally in Tierra del Fuego do not include tangerine. Next, sea gulls are the most ubiquitous avian on the face of the earth. They can even be found in parking lots in Des Moines. If it were my flag to design, I’d feature some more distinctive fauna, like the guanaco or penguin. Finally, the flag looks like it was drawn by a seven-year-old connecting the dots. In all, not an egregious effort, but definitely a bad flag.

Santa Fe, Argentina

Roughly translated, this flag reads “Invincible Province of Santa Fe.” I really hope they’re good with a spear and two arrows, because if that’s their munitions stockpile, they could be wiped out by one guy with a gun. Not so invincible. Alhtough in the ’60s and ’70s, Argentina did flirt with a veiled nuclear weapons program. A little bit of acting out at a time when the U.S. and Soivet Union were fighting proxy wars the world over, except for the Southern Cone. But then they thought it through: we’re Argentina, right? Who is our enemy? Brazil? Paraguay? Then the Argentines realized their efforts were best spent on drinking yerba mate, getting suntans and plastic surgery and wrapped it up.

Chubut, Argentina

How could you go wrong with wheat, a hydroelectric dam, a zig zag, a wavy line, a sun, a gear and a golden line (apparently representing the multiple rivers of the province?) I really don’t know why gears are the universal symbol of industry, at least on flags. To me, a gear represents an antiquated form of industry. The kind that uses pulleys and donkey carts and still has clocks you have to wind all the time. I’d go for a microchip. The dam is kinda political. Like on the one hand, hydroelectric power is renewable and clean, but it really f-s with ecosystems and then you have to create conveyor belts for salmon and whatnot. If the residents of Chubut are in the market for a flag change, (which I hope they are) I beg them to consider a change in the name of their province. Those skinny bitches in Corrientes Province make fun of all the poor Chub-butts down in Chubut.

Salta, Argentina

Here’s an example of trying to symbolize too many obscure things in a flag in colors that just don’t look good together. If you keep putting crap on a flag, its going to get ugly. For starters, the maroon background is a tribute to the local poncho style (I’m not making that up.) The black bands are symbolic of the death of Athahualpa, the Inca emperor killed by Spanish conquistadores in 1533. Maybe it’s time to move past that. People aren’t still wearing black armbands in the US in protest of the Vietnam War. The six-pointed star in the center represents a star-shaped medal given to General Martín Miguel de Güemes after the victory of the Battle of Humahuaca in 1817, and the 32 ray sun with a face stands for the efforts made by Salta during the Argentine War of Independence, and the light blue field behind the star refers to the Argentine national flag. The twenty-three yellow stars surrounding the middle represent each of Argentina’s 23 provinces. I recommend a step back to the drawing board to whittle down those symbols at least by half.