Shafir, Israel

Shafir, Israel

You know you’re allowed to use more than one color on your flag, right, Shafir? I mean, I understand that you’re a very conservative place, full of those guys with long, curly sideburns and old-timey hats, who like to settle in the desert and kick out the Arabs, but maybe some shading could help?

I’m guessing those tablet-looking things are the 10 Commandments. That font they used at the bottom, though, is kinda weird. What does upsidedown L - apostrophe - D – W spell? I bet it’s some DaVinci Code kind of message. Like maybe the gold is buried beneath the 10 Commandments tablets.

Puleèný, Czech Republic

Puleèný, Czech Republic

I’m not ususally a fan of too much business on flags. But doesn’t this one cry out for an emblem on its center panel? A Czech national treasure like a nice frosty mug of Pilsner or the smiling mug of Martina Navratilova, perhaps?

Isn't that better?

Loulé, Portugal

Loule, Portugal

It’s not just that this flag is pinkish-purple. Well, that’s a big part of it. What really weirds me out are the two floating heads. The bearded king and the Arab fellow with a resplendent yellow keffiyeh. Just floating there above the castle like spectres. It might symbolize that both Christians and Muslims watch your every move when you live in Loulé.  Or perhaps it’s because Loulé, Portugal is the beheading capital of Europe, and that they are equal opportunity beheaders. Also, why is a a tree growing out of tallest turret of the castle? For scale, the crazy heads are the same size as the tree. Is it a bonsai? Are they giant heads? And why is the center castle capped by another arched castle? Mysterious as the two disembodied heads.

Abaco Independence Movement (Bahamas)

Abaco Island Independence Movement

 At first, I thought this was the flag of the Leaning Tower of Pisa, if the Tower were inhabited by a cult of barbers, and moved to bizarro Macedonia. Then I thought it was a panel from a very boring architecture-focused comic. But then I realized that it’s the flag of a separatist movement that sought to split from the Bahamas in the 1970s. Naturally.

The members of the Abaco Independence Movement were concerned that the newly independent Bahamas would become another Caribbean socialist paradise that would frown on the largely American expatriate Abaco islanders’ penchant for arms smuggling. In a bout of characteristic stiff upperlippedness, the British refused the Abacoan request for partition, and the movement largely faded away into obscurity. Until their flag was revealed to be a terror worse than any shipping container of AK47s that may or may not have been delivered to El Salvador in 1975.

Martha Stewart enojys the waters of Abaco.