This is a slight departure from the normal format of badflags. These are not the flags of political subdiviisons. And let me preface this by saying I LOVE Halloween. But these flags are a little pathetic. First of all, what is the aim of these flags? Halloween awareness? I think we all know when Halloween is.
When I’m talking about national, state or provincial flags, I usually think about how those flags symbolize the place. All these flags say about the house that flies them is that the occupant has at least a passing interest in Halloween. But a total lack of effort. If you’re serious about Halloween, you’re going to make your house awesomely scary. At least you’re going to put a spider on a string to scare the neighbor kids. These flags aren’t scary. They completely misunderstand the meaning of Halloween. And they wouldn’t be caught dead on the front porches of true Halloween fans. Totally wussy. Just look at that third one. No real ghost would wear a picture of a pumpkin on his shroud. Embarassing.
Uh…Something got lost in translation here. The advice we can all take away from this flag is that if you’re going to go with a single letter as your only vexilogical embellishment, you might want to pick one that translates into other languages that don’t use the Cyrillic. And that aren’t the one letter nickname of one of America’s least favorite presidents. Or the name of an Oliver Stone movie about said president. Or an emblem worn of the hat of the nemesis of a certain Italian-American plumber.
Even though Papua New Guinea has one of the lower human development index values outside of Africa, Papuans are no slouches in vexillology. Most of the flags of the provinces of Papua New Guinea are fairly nice. Lots include local fauna, like birds of paradise and simple, bright colors.
I don’t really have a bone to pick with the flag of Eastern Highlands Province (but the formerly cannibal residents may be picking some human bones.) I do want to draw attention to the guy in the center here. His name is Nokondi, and yes, he has one leg. Jealous? And that’s a coffee branch he’s carrying. Awesome.
Here’s a dual post for you. Two bad flags from California that feature old timey prospectors.
Mariposa County, home to part of Yosemite National Park, is not represented very well by its flag. Of course, there’s El Capitan in the background. No arguments with that. But the prospector panning for gold has found a butterfly rather than a gold nugget. Of course, mariposa means butterfly in Spanish, but a real prospector would probably be firing off that six-shooter into the air if he found a bug instead of gold. And the font is a little too predictable: very Bonanza.
Amador County, just a little bit north of Mariposa in the Sierra Nevada, also went with the prospector. Except this guy is the kind that breaks open rocks rather than the kind that sifts dirt in the river. Much more butch. Those hip boots are another story, though… He’s got his pick and shovel – essential tools of the trade, and a cocky stance. Like he knows where the gold is going to be inside of that 6 trillion cubic meter mountian. Good luck, fella!
The one thing we learn from these two flags is that red shirts were de moda for Californian prospectors.
Hanover Park is an outer suburb of Chicago and is home to the youngest average population in northwest Chicago metro area. Also, Hanover Park is home to the world’s strongest man, who can lift a pyramid of eight stick figures above his head.
Yes, this flag is bad. But before we delve into its fuglitude, I have to acknowledge that it’s the best subnational flag in the whole of Bolivia. Here’s a brief look at the competition.
Pando, Bolivia - blah.
La Paz, Bolivia - a test for red-green colorblindness.
Beni, Bolivia - You're going to steal your flag from Libya? At least its actually green there.
While I have to give Chuquisaca some credit for originality, and it is completely apparent that Bolivian vexillologist are completely lacking in creativity, this just isn’s a good flag. It looks like someone designed it to look like a baseball. Without ever seeing a baseball firsthand. Maybe Evo Morales heard from Fidel Casrto about this sport of baseball and described the white orb in fleeting detail.
Failing its resemblance to a baseball, it just seems like a bit of a wreck. The initial idea of barbed wire (that’s what it is, right?) instead of straight lines is a nice departure from the norm. But when those two lines intersected in the middle, it kind of jumbles together into an assymmetrical and unappealing knot. Maybe no one will notice…oh – we noticed.
Short and sweet with this one: A nanotyrranus flanked by a red skunk and a regular skunk, with a dollar sign and a checkerboard. Commemorating a prehistoric wager on which is stinkier?
While I’m on an Eastern European religious flag kick, here’s one that’s best described in dialogue form. I’m going out on a limb and say that it’s Mary and Jesus in the bottom right. The woman up top is more difficult to identify. Definitely a saint. Ann? Elizabeth? If anyone know the iconography here, please pipe up. I’m just going to refer to her as Jill.
Jill: “Hail, Mary.”
Mary: “Oh, hi Jill.”
Jill: “How’ve you been?”
Mary: “Well, it’s been a pretty crazy year, really – didn’t you read that Christmas letter I sent?”
Jill: “Oh… No, I was in Boca for the winter.”
Mary: “Oh. Well, you know about this whole virgin birth thing, right? I don’t have to go into that again, do I?”
Jill: “Yeah, no. I’ve heard about that.”
Mary: “Um, Jill. What are you doing up there?”
Jill: “You know. Hanging out, displaying things slightly out of frame. Well, gotta go.”
Mary (to Jesus): “What is wrong with that woman?”
Jesus: “I don’t know, mom, but my head is TINY! I’m going to grow into it, right?”
Penza Oblast is a fairly obscure Russian province located in the Volga valley. A superficial search returns limited bits of obscure information: it is located in the same time zone in Moscow and there are two national and two regional cell phone carriers from which to choose. So much to communism! Yay, capitalism for the win! It was also the setting for a doomsday cult whose leader attempted suicide earlier this year. Not good small talk material here.
Now to this flag. It’s obvious that Penzanian really like Jesus. And they’re probably Orthodox, hence the idol. In my research, this is the only flag to bear a picture of Jesus. If Penza were to go to war, it would be hard to argue that God’s not on their side. I mean, check out their flag. I wonder if they pay a licensing fee to Bethlehem.
It’s an interesting choice for a flag. It would never happen in the West. I bet there is at least one or two Buddhists or Muslims that might be offended by Jesus staring at them from atop the local Kremlin. It’s also an interesting choice to have just Jesus’ head up there. Maybe it’s John the Baptist? Someone with at least a family resemblance to Jesus. Whoever he is, he could use a haircut, or at least run a comb through his hair. And maybe a little manscaping around the eyebrows. Just a suggestion, oh Holy Son of God.
