Lojban Language

There are no rules about what deserves a flag. Flags are traditionally used for designating nation states. More recently, flags have represented political movements, multinational corporations and international organizations. Even some languages have flags. Crazy, I know. But how many flags for completely synthetic languages have you seen?

Lojban is a language invented in 1987 that was supposed to do what Esperanto couldn’t – unite the world with a common language. Well, we know how that turned out 21 years later. Not so much. In case there’s any more doubt, it seems like English is a pretty good choice for a universal language. Not just because I know it, but because billions of people know it and it borrows words from countless other languages.

Anyway, Lojban was a flop. And so is its flag. It looks like an orgiastic combination of male and female symbols. Or perhaps it’s reminiscent of Julia Sweeney’s infamously ambiguously gendered “Pat” of 1980s Saturday Night Live.

Matruh, Egypt

Another bad animal flag. I guess way out in Egypt’s Eastern Desert, there’s not a whole lot of wildlife to choose from. But I’m not quite sure what this beast is supposed to be. It’s in profile, so my first guess is unicorn, which is a.w.e.s.o.m.e. But my best guess is gazelle, which is kinda cool. But I thought gazelles had more of a tail than that. So my last guess is goat. Goats are pretty cool, but I’m not sure if they’re flag-worthy. I do think the eye spot is a big mistake. I think it would have been totally apparent that the sillhouette was an animal without the blobby eye being drawn on with a Sharpie or something. The gold trapezoid on the right side doesn’t add enough interest to warrant its presence.

Afar Revolutionary Democratic Unity Front

Much international attention has been focused in recent years on the political instability in the Horn of Africa. As Somalia descended into Civil War, Ethiopia staves off food shortages and bad governance, and Eritrea fends off hostilities from its neighbors, splinter groups have found a fertile atmosphere.

The Afar Revolutionary Democratic Unity Front’s goal is to untie the ethnic Afar regions of Ethiopia, Eritrea, Djbouti and Somalia, apparently under the gun and torch – which doesn’t seem all that democratic to me. Other than the mixed messages, the flag is quite ingenious. It incorporates elements from the flags of Ethiopia (the star), Somalia (the light blue background), and Djbouti (the triangle.) The Afar Revolutionary Democratic Unity Front does not recognize Eritrea’s sovereignty.

Smyadovo, Bulgaria

If Vorumaa was an example of how to do an animal flag well, Smyadovo is an example of how not to do it. When set in a verdant valley bisected by a babling stream, Smyadovo’s wild boar looks more like a fat sow, and does not inspire awe or fear in the way Vorumaa’s wolf rampant. In fact, if I were the boyar of a neighboring voivodship 300 years ago, I may think about taking up arms and invading.

Good Flag: Vorumaa, Estonia

There’s no arguing: this flag is a.w.e.s.o.m.e. An armed and rabid lycanthrope on a green field. I’ll even forgive the square shape.

Kyrgyzstan

Kyrgyzstan – the nation that hates vowels. The Kyrgyz people also apparently hate visual appeal. Located between the breathtaking Tien Shan mountians and the Fergama Valley, famous for its apricots, Kyrgyzstan is a rugged nation of 5.3 million formerly dominated by the Soviet Union and only recently throwing off the shackles of autocratic leader Askar Akayev. Though Kyrgyzstan recently underwent the “Tulip Revolution” under Kurmanbek Bakiyev but political instability is rampant.

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The circle on the flag is supposed to represent a Kyrgyz yurt. The gold sun-shaped thing represents either the 40 Kyrgyz tribes or the 40 warriors of the mythical Kyrgyz hero Manas. Red is the national color. The duo or triple lines crossing the yurt are supposed to be support beams for said yurt. In all, a nice try at representing cultural keys, but there’s one big problem.

This flag leads me to believe the Kyrgyz people worship a giant flaming tennis ball in the sky. It would be a more appropriate flag for Andre Aggassi or Arantxa Sanchez Vicario.

Tierra del Fuego, Argentina

How cool would it be to have a state called Land of Fire? That’s just how bad-ass Argentina is. Other locations in the state also have awesome names, like Ushuaia, the Straits of Magellan and Cape Horn. In precolonial times, the islands of Tierra del Fuego were home to the Fuegian people, thought to be more closely related to Australian aboriginies than Amerindians. Today, this land of glaciers and mountains is home to the southernmost settlements in the world.

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By all accounts, Tierra del Fuego is a beautiful and interesting place. Why then, did they chose this flag? First of all, the Southern Cross is entirely too predictable. You don’t see nearly as many places in the Northern Hemisphere finding the obsessive need to prove it with constellations on their flags. Maybe that’s just the insecurity that comes form living on the underside of the world. Secondly, the colors found naturally in Tierra del Fuego do not include tangerine. Next, sea gulls are the most ubiquitous avian on the face of the earth. They can even be found in parking lots in Des Moines. If it were my flag to design, I’d feature some more distinctive fauna, like the guanaco or penguin. Finally, the flag looks like it was drawn by a seven-year-old connecting the dots. In all, not an egregious effort, but definitely a bad flag.