Baddest Flag of the Month: February

As we wind down the month of February, it’s time to reflect on the awful flags we’ve seen this month. Leap day is tomorrow, and I never understood the reason for it being in February: it’s maybe the worst month. Put that extra day in June. Those people in the Southern Hemisphere get an extra day of summer, I guess. And what’s with that first R about? No one even pronounces that. Anyhow, take a look back through the annals of badflags and submit (comment below) your choice  for the worst flag of  February. The winner (loser) will be tagged as the inaugural Baddest Flag of the Month.  And as always, you can send images of flags you believe to be worth excoriating to badflags@gmail.com.  

Ayeyarwady Division, Myanmar

I feel like I’ve been beating up on South American flags a lot. That’s because there are a lot of bad flags to be found there. But at least they’re willing to take risks. The same can not be said about Asian flags. In general, the Asians play it safe in vexillology. But this gem from Myanmar is the perfect combination of tackiness, bad colors and uninspired symbology to qualify as a Bad Flag. Ayeyarwady Division is located at the mouth of the Irrawady river on the Andaman Sea. To represent the abundance of water, this flag displays wavy blue and white stripes. A little bit disorienting. The kicker is the geographical representation of the province. If you know the lay of the land, you can see that it’s a delta region with lots of alluvial islands. But if you don’t, it kind of looks like a pear rotting from the inside and crumbling apart. The orange color is a particulary bad choice. The only redeeming quality is more accidental than anything else. I love Burmese script. It’s very bubbly. I can’t read it, but I’ll bet is says “Ayeyarwady Division.”

Amazonas, Colombia

There’s not much to say about Amazonas other than the fact that according to the flag, it’s totally acceptable to go bowhunting for big cats. I’m guessing either small jaguars or large ocelots. Don’t you hate when people from Pennsylvania pronounce jaguar “jag-wire?” Or when people from England pronounce it “jag-you-are?” I do. And I’m almost positive that jaguars and ocelots are endangered. Nope – Wikipedia says “near-threatened.” But still, if you advocate an activity on your flag, you have to expect it to become more common.

Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Milwaukee. It’s a pretty nice town, I hear. Light rail and all that. And a Ferris Wheel? Wow! Oh, wait. That’s a cog. But at least they have a stalk of barley for beermaking. Other than that, there’s a whole lot of junk on this flag. A steeple, city hall, and Indian’s head in profile, a ship, a factory and County Stadium, which was torn down in 2000. This flag actually was designed by a committee. In the 1950s, the town put out a call for flag designs. A city alderman wasn’t satisfied with any of the entries, so he took elements from the best (apparently the 14 best) and combined them into this gem. It was voted one of the five worst flags in North America by the North American Vexillogical Association. City council put out a new call for flag designs, but ended up sticking with this one because it was unsatisfied with the rest. It has to be said: Milwaukee, for all its charm and Laverne and Shirley lore, is full of citizens who are horrible flag designers. Maybe the worst in the nation.

St. Thomas, Ontario

I’m probably going to get some guff for this one, because Canadians seem to be oddly defensive about their flags. Supplying construcitve criticism about their beloved maple leaf gets about as far as suggesting limits on gun show sales in Texas. Anyway, the flag of St. Thomas, Ontario, is a bad one and it deserves some analysis. First of all, the lime green shade is…different. And not really in a good way. In fact what appears to be a wagon wheel may in fact be a slice of lime. Three highly stylized maple leaves look more like fig leaves to me, so you have to wonder what’s the Canadian government is covering up in St. Thomas. And I’m not sure, but I think that’s a primitive switchblade in the upper righthand corner. Either a switchblade or two boards nailed together shoddily.

Zulia, Venezuela

One of the new requirements Hugo Chavez has of Venezuelan states is that they find a way to honor him in their flags. Since Zulia is last alphabetically, they had to scrape the bottom of the barrel for ideas. They chose to represent Hugo Chavez’ favorite Halloween costume: Relámpago Bolivariano, o en Inglés, Bolivarian Lightning. Every Halloween, Chavez squeezes into his ever tighter Spandex unitard, which is blue on top and black (very slimming) below. He makes his transit across the solar disc in the cockpit of an F-16 fighter jet, and throws cardboard lightning bolts out into the countryside. It is said that those who come to possess an intact bolt will receive thre barrels of high-sulfur oil.

Saint-Eustache

So apparently Saint-Eustache has a pretty serious mutant problem.

Camerico – Hypothetical

This is Pat Robertson’s worst nightmare. Well, maybe his worst nightmare involves more Muslims and gays and college educated women. Camerico is the name fear mongers give to a hypothetical union of Canada, America and Mexico: the supposed result of NAFTA. It would obviously be a bad deal, because look: the flag is really, really ugly. Combining the salient elements of all three flags, might seem like a nice way to go. But when you have an eagle sitting on a cactus eating a snake on a maple leaf in front of a blue field with 50 stars, that’s a whole lot of fug going on. Juxtapose that with a candy cane-like series of 13 stripes and you have a vexillological train wreck. A too obvious ploy against free trade and a terrible bad flag.

United Nations High Commission for Refugees

The UN High Commission for Refugees is a venerable organization. But let’s break down their flag and see what they may be inferring that they may not want to infer. First: Isn’t it odd that the figure, presumably a refugee, has only one large leg where two would normally be? I think a solid majority of, though surely not all, refugees have at least two legs of normal girth. Second, who’s giant blue hands are those? While they are currently protecting the pogo-legged refugee, it’s easy to see they could crush him or her at any time. Kinda ominous. The victory wreath, if I’m identifying that correctly: what’s that about? Anyway, if I were a refugee who didn’t know any different, and my war ravaged country was so horrific that I needed to seek assylum, I probably would avoid a blue helmeted person flying this flag. Also, I guess the UN budget is too tight to spring for any more than that one color.

Meta Department, Colombia

Meta, Colombia… I think the green represents rain forests. And I’m pretty sure I know what the white represents…